How dumb is a box of rocks anyway?

>> Monday, January 25, 2010

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – Lord Rochester

Everyone loves their kids, are proud of them and want to share their best qualities by bragging to their friends and families. Sometimes to excess and exaggeration.

Personally, I know I have the best kids. An 11 year old wiz kid, a super compassionate 7 year old, my 4 year old could hit a ball better then anyone, and my baby girl is the cutest thing ever!
I do try and keep my boasting to my mom and best friends, and never exaggerate. (What!? I do not!)

On a resent stop at the local Safeway with my 4 and 1 year old, I ran into the mother of one of my kids friends (I will call her Sandy).
I made the mistake of inquiring on how her youngest daughter liked kindergarten. Sandy happily went into excess and exaggerations boasting about her daughter’s success.

“She’s reading at a second grade level,” (yeah right) “she’s the teachers pet, she won an award for her amazing art work. We are thinking of skipping her a grade,”

How do I get myself out of this nightmare!?

 “She’s playing the violin.” Blah blah blah…

At this point I’m picturing that “far side” comic were the spider has spun the words “goodbye world” in his web and is hanging lifeless from it.. I now know why the spider took his own life…he lived in Sandy’s house!

While Sandy drowns on, Sam is asking me why I’m getting the kind of cheese he hates… cheese? I don’t even have cheese in my cart!

 This gives me an idea. As Sandy takes a breath,
I interrupt in my sweetest voice.

“Gosh, you are so lucky to have such a bright girl!”

Sam smacks a box of cereal with a star on it and runs off spinning shouting the Cha cha cha song.  I continue...

“We really don’t know what to do with Sam… he’s dumb as a box of rocks. He can’t even spell his own name.”

Pity fogs over Sandy’s once beaming face.

“The closest Sam comes to Art work is coloring on the walls and eating paste! His preschool teachers says all he dose is sit in the corner scratching his butt and sniffing his fingers.”

None of this is true of course, but I couldn’t help myself. Trying to keep a straight face while Sandy asks me if we’ve had him tested for ADHD was very difficult.

Sam makes his was back to us having lost his “star power.” I take this cue to say goodbye, leavening Sandy wondering if I was a bad parent or just nuts.

If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time- a tremendous whack. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and my own butt.


Confessions From A Working Mom February 24, 2010 at 2:49 PM  

Thank you so much for sharing this post with me! I LOL when I read the part about eating paste. I WISH you'd said that!

Happy to "meet" you through two posts today :)

Confessions From A Working Mom

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy June 3, 2010 at 11:39 AM  

Ahahaha! Priceless! That's the kind of thing I always wish I could do, but never had the guts to do it. :) Way to go girl!

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