Toys scare the hell out of me

>> Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I can’t believe I’m about to write this...



I guess *mental head slap* I’ve been in denial for a while now.


The time has come, to face it and embrace the simple fact …


I’m not young anymore!


OK! I said it, it was painful, and now my head hurts.


(Notice I don’t say old, cause I’m not old! And don’t even say middle age, because that’s my mom)


I discovered this sad horrifying fact at a recent Passion party I attended.


Now what happens at a Passion party is suppose to stay at the Passion party…


But hey…I didn’t sign any contact agreement, so all bets are off.


At a Passion party you know you’re not young anymore WHEN …

…you find yourself having a conversation about your TMJ, and how it’s now a blessing, more then a curse…

…you can no longer control, or care to control, the things that fly out of your mouth.


For example… When the young chick in the corner comments…
“Ewwww FAT GIRL!” while flipping thought the exotic plays manual.
You let fly…
“Hey fat girls have sex too you know, and damn good sex, I might add!”

… you find the idea of, cuffing your husband to the bed, after smearing him with love oil, Followed by leaving the room and letting the dog in…
EXTREAMLY funny. I mean pee yourself, and not care kind of funny.

…you find that the “Adult Toys” they pass around scare the HELL out of you.

…you about fall off your chair when they bring out the “Just for him” collection. (I still have nightmares)

… you can’t think of one single use for by body glitter, warming gel, or Edible Massage Cream. 

...you would never pay 150.00 for something with eight speeds and eight functions..unless it was a Kitchenaid mixer.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. ~Bob Hope

2 comments:

j February 5, 2010 at 6:17 PM  

wow a passion party. i have never been but your description made me feel like i was there. lol

riffrafflittleman February 6, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

too funny, sounds like the same reactions I would have :) the mixer sounds like more fun too

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