Life's lessons learned the hard way...Men are EASY when you're SLEAZY.

>> Monday, May 17, 2010

Men are easy, Women make them crazy.

WARNING: The following post contains some sexually awwwummm…stuff and is meant for married adults only. Also my Mom, Dad, Pastor and Husband are forbidden to read any further.

If I want to make my husband happy all I need to do is feed him and take off my pants (well not at the same time…although he would enjoy that), then he is putty my hands.

Simple…men are simple.

Unless your husband is a narcissistic abusive psychopath, then you’re crazy for staying with him. I’ve dated my share of them…run honey, RUN!

We women make men unnecessarily crazy with all our bicthin’ and naggin’.

“What about me…my needs, I’m tired, the kids take all I have! Why must I give give give to HIM too?”

I’ll tell you why, cause once you take care of his “Horney & Hungry”, He’ll take care of all your massive amounts of womanly needs. Pretty sweet deal…ask any man… he’ll tell you I’m right.

Case in point:

The arrival of my Verizon bill would turn my husband into a gigantic ass and me into a massive Bitch. Oh it was on…every month…month after month!

With his resent cut backs at work and us being a one income family with four kids, a cell phone was an unnecessary expense and HE was NOT going to pay it.

So I’d bitch and nag and with hold sex until he paid up. He’d be a hard ass jerk until he couldn’t take anymore of my shit.

One day, being on the verge of getting my phone shut off, I made him a special offer…an offer no man can refuse. I told him that if he paid the bill I’d give him a B.J. Yep.

I am a bit of a B.J. snob and deprived him of this treat…so He was all up on that deal!

After that, whenever the Verizon bill turned up in the mail box my husband would walk in the house with a big ol' grin on his face waving the bill in the air, declaring…

”Honey, it’s time to pay your cell phone bill!”

Over the years ….this “Special offer” has bought me a Large capacity washer/dryer, Range and over the Range Microwave to name a few.

Pretty sweet deal!


MommyLovesStilettos May 17, 2010 at 2:22 PM  

LMAO! I use that trick too! And it works every damn time!

BlasĂ© May 17, 2010 at 3:02 PM  

My wife LOVES giving me a BJ so much...she pants and sweats while giving it. Now THAT'S a woman every man wants.

Eclipsed May 17, 2010 at 6:06 PM  

lol men are so easy aren't they?

Michelle May 18, 2010 at 8:52 AM  

Woman, where have you been all my life? I must get to know you more!

That is SO true! Except, my sexual exploits have not resulted in such fine things, but I have gotten Burger King out of it a few times. I tell my husband that I prostitute myself for food. I'm thinking this might work to get my iPhone back! :)

Marlene May 18, 2010 at 12:37 PM  

ROFL! Whatever works, eh!?!

Mimi May 21, 2010 at 5:24 PM  

Great introduction to your blog for me, lol!

I'm stopping by to welcome you to SITS!

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