Who ME? Bitter?

>> Thursday, June 24, 2010

Bitterness is an ugly monster that creeps in and wreaks havoc on your soul.


Bitterness is a serious contagious disease, spreading like a weed in an untended garden. Bitterness can also act as a repellent, sending loved ones running, screaming, seeking a reprieve from your bitter venom.

Showing up in many forms, bitterness is dangerous to your physical and mental health. Envy, Jealousy, resentment, hurt, sadness, pain are leading causes of bitterness


Warning signs of bitterness are as follows:
Sudden loss of ones own head
Sour taste in ones mouth
Fuzzy teeth
Sharp tong
Stiff extended middle finger
Foul smelling ears
Potty mouth
Permanent scowl
Cardiac organ shrinkage
Inability to crack a smile
Pains in the ass
Extreme pissy mood
Changes in appearance that make you resemble your own mother
Uncontrollable urge to kick the dog
Constant high pitch whine
Vanishing Friends
Compassion blindness

If you are experiencing one or more of the above symptoms you may be suffering from Bitterness, the following extreme measure must be executed swiftly to prevent your permit eviction from the planet earth.

1. In front of full length mirror remove all your clothes at priestly 10am.
2. Cover entire body with a thick layer of hot fudge
3. Get a firm grip
4. Slowly remove ones head from ones ass
5. Carefully remove foot from mouth
6. Facing mirror Jump up and down quickly to shake of any hard feelings
7. Plant left foot on floor, using right foot swiftly kick yourself in the butt (Repeat)
8. Run out of house, down street screaming "I am free! I am lovable! Someone hug me!"

Warning attempting this act prematurely could cause one to back slide
Resulting in loss of ones grip and shoving ones head further up ones own ass.

Contact your physician if you experience fits of laughter lasting longer then 7 hours.



Blissful babble will not be held liable for any fudge burns resulting from the use of these treatments.



11 comments:

Emily June 25, 2010 at 12:09 AM  

Love it!

I am stopping by to follow and say Hi!

Have a wonderful weekend!

The Professional Family Manager June 25, 2010 at 8:04 AM  

Hmmm...so if I do this I'll cure my bitterness, plus probably land myself in a mental hospital...which, you know, could make a nice vacation from the insanity going on around my house. :-)

psyche June 25, 2010 at 10:18 AM  

Hello there!

Happy friday.

Following from the Fun Follow Friday.

xo,
~gwen
http://psycheslab.blogspot.com

Carol June 25, 2010 at 11:14 AM  

I'm following you, will you follow me?
http://songberries.blogspot.com

Amy June 25, 2010 at 12:41 PM  

Thanks for following me. I am following you too. Love the SpongeBob picture. My DD loves him.

Kat June 25, 2010 at 8:09 PM  

Hehehe! I think I know someone who should read this post. ;)

Have a great weekend!

Mimi June 26, 2010 at 3:39 PM  

Hugs, I do need more of them!

Anything Fits A Naked Man June 26, 2010 at 6:13 PM  

OK, I admit, I need to read this again!! Many lessons for me in here!! Thanks!

dusty earth mother June 26, 2010 at 6:58 PM  

you're funny, woman! finally got around to visiting you back and very happy I did. now i need to go cover myself in fudge. XXOO

Marlene June 29, 2010 at 12:02 PM  

Not sure I'd hug you if you were covered in fudge, but I'd definitely sneak a lick in. ;)

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