Dear Pittsburgh Stealers, may I have my husband back please?

>> Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Maybe you have noticed its football season, and I know I speak for everyone when I say football should be outlawed. Ok not everyone will agree with me but I know you football widows understand. Would it be wrong to wish my husband’s team go down in hot smoldering flames? The sooner the better I say! I’m very serious; I wish bad things on the Stealers. They have caused a problem in my household that, regrettably, has reached epidemic proportions.

I don’t hate the game of football, I even enjoyed going to a game when the Stealers played a rare game against the Seattle Seahawks, I was in fear for my life wearing black and gold into the Seahawks stadium, but fun all the same. So I don’t hate the sport as a whole, I just hate the Stealers for stealing my husband.

Now you may think I exaggerate, but I am not lying when I say the Stealers have sucked the brain out of my husbands head. It’s like nothing you have ever seen in your life, he becomes a raving lunatic when his Stealers are playing. His mood is subject to how the game is going, he swings way up high and happy when their winning, but honey if they lose watch out, down he goes! He once spiked a football so hard on a bad play it almost took out our 5 year old.

The Stealers gain complete control over his body and mind, he hears and sees nothing or no one but the game. He screams at the TV so loud that the neighbors know the score and the fire department is on standby in case his head should explode and set the block on fire.

My husband, like most men, is not one to get overly emotional; in fact he is very laid back. He has seen me give birth to our children and never shed so much as one tear, however I’ve witness him weep when the Stealers loose a close game in the playoffs.

Professional football is every exciting, competitive and breeds character, you know with all them men it tight leggings chasing after a misshapen ball and all, I get that. But with all the mood swings, screaming, yelling and crying, what I don’t understand is how football can take a man and turn him into a menstruating woman.



I am so getting hell when he reads this….Gooooo down Stealers!!!

p.s. in case you didn't get it...Steelers is spelt wrong to be ironic...not to be confused with my normal moronic.

9 comments:

Laura October 12, 2010 at 4:51 PM  

You crack me up!!! I love this post -- especially the ending! Unfortunately, you speak the truth for a lot of women out (and I'm a pretty good football fan myself!)

Marlene October 12, 2010 at 5:06 PM  

ROFL!!! My hubby (thankfully) is not into sports at all....(we watch the major stuff that happens at the end...you know, superbowl, baseball playoffs if the Phillies are in it...that kind of thing).

Green Monkey October 12, 2010 at 6:07 PM  

THAT was great!!! My mother is also a Stealers fan so I understand your pain (well, sort of). I am a Saints fan but not an addict. thanks for the laugh :)

Mamma has spoken October 13, 2010 at 3:25 AM  

I am a football widow here too. It wasn't so bad when it was only Sunday. But now it's every night! Seriously, my tv is playing some football game EVERY night. High school, college, professional, arena, Canadian, the list goes on and on and on.....
and the sons watch it all with him too....

Blasé October 13, 2010 at 5:53 AM  

At least he is not sexting messages to another woman...I assume.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds October 13, 2010 at 6:23 AM  

He has a classic case of Steeler's schizophrenia. With each win he thinks, "they're goin' to da superbowl". Each loss, "bunch 'a' bums!"

He vacillates between these emotions with each play at times.

He needs medicine. It's called Iron City Beer.

And in case you think I've become suddenly extra witty, I'm am not the one who discovered this condition. It's commonly known here in the 'burgh!

Rose October 13, 2010 at 2:17 PM  

i'm fortunate, my husband rarely watches football. sorry. rose

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild October 13, 2010 at 7:55 PM  

Those boys are darn cute, and they look pretty tough too.
Go down, Steelers! I mean, go Steelers. Go!
xoRobyn
PS So sorry. I'm on your team, the team that strives to ban football.

Kelley October 13, 2010 at 10:39 PM  

I can totally relate!! My husband & I went to UT-Austin. When the Longhorns won the National Championship a few years ago, I think that was the happiest moment of my husband's life! Happier than the day we married, happier than the day our sons were born... I'm telling you! (Oh, BTW, I loved your definition for weenis". Ha!!)

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