>> Friday, November 5, 2010
Oh honey have I ever been having a journey as of late, the breaking down of walls and a break though to personal Joy. I’m giving up the fight and giving into God's leading in my life, giving up on proving myself to the things of this world and realizing how valuable I really am. If you will, take my hand as I open my heart and show you how God’s making it a beautiful place again.
Do you remember that classic video game “Pit fall?” The goal of the game is to swing over these big pits, on the bottom are some evil things just waiting to kill you down there in the pit. If you reach up and grab hold of the vine you can swing over the pit avoiding the alligators and scorpions, good thing It’s only a video game, to be honest I don’t have the upper arm strength to swing myself over a golf hole.
Wonder if we reached up before falling into the pits of life? What if in times of pain, sadness, insecurity, arguments, fear, and doubt we first turned to God? It’s been my prayer on my own life, that like a child that has fallen cries for mommy, I cry out to Him first. It’s not an instinct for me, for the most part I cry and whine to everyone but Him and only reach for God when all else fails, I’m deep in the pit and the scorpion is about to sting. I have thought pitifully little of the person God has made me; I’ve despised myself and considered myself inferior to others. What a foolish child I have been, He has made a wonderful treasure in me and in you dear sister. We were not meant to suffer alone behind a wall of shame, God wants us to reach up for Him first, we are deserving of His grace.
When I was 17 I worked at McDonald's with a wonderful woman named Louise. Louise was an older lady, to me she looked OLD but in reality she was maybe 50. During the lunch rush things would get hairy, we would run out of Coke, someone would no-show for their shift, or a bus load of people would pull into the lot, and on a good day all of this would happen at once. If you have ever worked fast-food you know it’s the pits, the customers cab be jerks, you have to be fast, and get paid squat. Poor old Louise was not fast, however she had something I didn’t have. During stress filled moments I’d often find Louise in the back room, hands clasped together, eyes closed, head bowed.
“The drive threw is wrapped around the building, the fries are screaming, and I’m by myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE!” I’d ask her sweetly.
“Praying for the Lords strength,” she would reply, take a deep breath and make her way back to the fries with a renewed sense of peace about her. I’d roll my eyes stomp back to the drive threw window, toss a sack of burgers at the waiting car, and bark into my head set “would you like fries with that?!” Part of me envied that peace Louise had, but I wouldn’t be caught dead praying in the break room, (because if you know me at all you know I was a flaming feminist atheist back then) prayer was for weak old women. HA! It’s almost painful to realize how foolish I was.
Allison DuBois (yes the woman who inspired the hit TV series “Medium”) paints a beautiful picture in her book “don’t kiss them good-bye,” of God’s hand. I won’t get into the whole psychic thing, weather her vision was true (I believe it is) or only to comfort her…it’s a powerful one.
“As I watched the towers fall, I had a vision. I saw a woman in a blazer and skirt; she was huddled on the ground next to a desk. She was scared and she was praying as the building crumbled around her. I started to feel anger that she had to die this way. In that moment I saw the strongest, kindest, golden-white light descend though the ceiling above her and as it lowered, settling over her, it took shape of a hand. In that swift and loving gesture, the woman’s fear was removed and she knew that she was no longer alone.…. The hand was that of a God whose only intention was to show some level of mercy. The hand of this higher power covered people, shielding some of them from certain death. The same hand swiftly carried over those that He needed to call home. ”
That all sounds fine and dandy for you Michelle, but that’s just not me…I don’t Pray.
Awe well grasshopper; let’s look into that with a follow up post about Prayer, if you will humor me I’m very excited to show you how He washed away all my doubt and smacked me up side my insecure head…