Excuse me as I grab your crotch.

>> Monday, November 22, 2010

I realize most of us have an opinion about the major U.S. airports X-ray scan that can peer through clothes or the pat-down search that includes the crotch and chest. Although many travelers said that the scans and the pat-down were not much of an inconvenience, and that the stepped-up measures made them feel safer, it’s all over the news and people are freaking out and calling for a boycott of these major airports.

Personally I’d rather be groped then have my plane plummet into the Columbia River in a fiery ball of twisted metal, but that’s just me and you know what opinions are like.

This all made me think about those  poor TSA folks who have to do the “pat-down.” Now that’s a job I would not want…everyone is pissy and offended that you’re feeling up there nether regions. Feeling peoples junk all day cannot be any fun…What kind of training would you have to go though? Would you have to pass a tests? “I’m sorry Jon, but you failed…that was not my ball sack…it was a sack of C4. Lisa however passed with her VERY thorough inspections.” *wink*

If you were a woman TAS agent having to give men  pat downs…can you imagine all the lines you’d hear

“No that is not a pipe bomb…I’m just happy to see you.”

“Can you do that again…just faster and longer?”

“Wait you might want to check again I think you missed something…yeah thats it.”

"A little to the left please."

“Oh baby…and I didn’t even have to buy you dinner.”

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?”

“Got a cigarette?”

“All this attention is making my head swell.”

“Wow this gives ‘flying the friendly skies’ a new meaning.” *wink*

I’m sure that they have male agents’ pat-down men…or we would hope. I think the next time I fly I’ll stick a banana in my pants just to make things a bit more interesting.

*Imagines from AFP


Gina Alfani November 22, 2010 at 4:51 PM  

OMG that was so funny!!!

Thanks for the lighter side of this issue . . . I have really been sick of hearing about it on the news.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week . . . Gina


Kat November 22, 2010 at 5:08 PM  

Honestly, I really do feel badly for TSA workers that have to do the patdowns. It really can't be fun. It sounds like a hell job. Add to that the fact that people are screaming at them and insulting them all day long. Egad. Horrid.

I have a feeling that the guidelines are going to be adjusted soon. I can't imagine it will go on like this for long. Ca-razy!

Marlene November 22, 2010 at 5:21 PM  

I'm all for airport security - but it's a false sense of security. Unless they're doing this in every airport in the world, it's ineffective.

I've had so many rude obnoxious TSA employees, that I'm not feeling too much empathy for them these days.

You are a funny, girl, though....and if you do decide to go the banana route, please post and let us know all about it....from your jail cell! Bwaaaahaahaaa. xoxoxoxo

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy November 22, 2010 at 6:28 PM  

I couldn't agree more. It's not the greatest experience, I'm sure ... but I'd rather be FELT up than BLOWN up. :)

Cheryl D. November 22, 2010 at 10:44 PM  

I used to study airport security issues about 10 years ago. I saw a demo of the body scan machines right when they were first being rolled out. I have to be honest--I would definitely pick being groped over having my image taken. Maybe I'd get lucky and get a cute agent!

But alas, they do use same gender agents to do the searches (at least they did 10 years ago, I can't imagine that criteria changing).

I honestly think these security measures are overkill. As one pundit pointed out on Keith Olbermann's show, what's to stop a terrorist from setting off a bomb in the very crowded, backed-up security lines? They'd kill just as many people.

Well, I'm flying out of LAX tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Laura November 23, 2010 at 3:33 AM  

Funny, funny, post! If you ever get caught with the banana, be prepared to be arrested and wait as they test the banana for explosives! On the serious side, I'm not sure how effective the pat-down searches are, since only one out of every 100 people are selected for the pat-down (or so I heard on the news).

Kat November 24, 2010 at 11:42 AM  

Omygosh that was so funny. Seriously, Im still giggling! :D Great site, I will be back!

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