melted face is hard on carpets

>> Sunday, January 31, 2010

I can live for two months on a good compliment. ~Mark Twain
"What are you doing?"



My husband asks hunching over me, my eyes are burned in to the computer flat screen.


What the heck AM I doing? No idea! If I can just get the damn thing to what I want, it hates me!


"Blogging?" he asks.


Not so much a question, more like an accusation. Lord, what I wanted to do to him right then! However I fear if I post it, the FBI could use it against me in a court of Law.


Why can't I possess the power of the ark? My glare could have melted his face off right then. Naw better not, having to clean the melted face out of the carpet is not my idea of a good time.


Peevishly, I tell him to “Go away.” Sounding more like my 7 year old, then a loving wife.


Something’s wrong with the “comment" setting on this blog... since I’ve had none!
Gawd I'm such a loser! Not ONE "follower" or "comment!"
I can't even figure out how to get one of them super cute signatures. THAT’S got to be the problem...no cute signature. Dang!


For crying out loud...If it were possible for keyboards to suffer from “shaken baby syndrome” mine would.


Frustration is getting the best of me, so I give up and take it out on the vacuum for a bit. Praying I don't get electrocuted form the poor repair job I did to the cord. Dumb dog.

Praying for some sunshine in this sucking eggs kind of day.


“Lord,” I pray, “give me some Joy today, please, pretty please, with sugar on top...and a cherry. I promise I’ll never wish bad things to happen to skinny chicks again.”


What’s that Grasshopper?! My Email alerts me of my first blog comment, I about pee myself, easy to do after 4 vaginal births.
Very excited to say the least, I can put the shot gun away for now...



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Don't have Faith, got Gorge?

>> Thursday, January 28, 2010

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
~ Homer Simpson


When you have a big job to be done you want someone with experience and the drive to do it.


Filling my cup daily with Joy is a big job, can’t do it on my own so I get help. My “Dead beat dad” had a big job. (I will call him Jon…because that’s his name) Jon hired the wrong guy for all that need to be done in him.

Being a recovering alcoholic Jon attended Alcoholics Anonymous. (Oops I kind of messed up that anonymous part, my bad) At 13 an AA meeting was the last place I wanted to be. Since I was visiting Jon from out of state I had no choice but to go. All them boring old people crying about all their problems…gag me with a spoon. I just wanted to go to the mall damit!

The second step in the 12 step AA program is…


2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.


Sounds like a great plan right?  Well Jon’s higher power, I came to find out that night, was Gorge. That’s right… not Jesus…Gorge. Gorge’s Job was to go into Jon’s head everyday and take out the trash.

 I thought this was a neat idea at 13. That is cool, hip, and far out man. No wonder I got the bright idea to become a proud atheist at 16? I was a fool and so is Jon.

He was right about one thing though, someone has to take out the trash. But where does the garbage go when an imaginary Gorge takes it out? Guess you imagine it’s gone? Really it’s still there piling up, making you stink, and spilling out on those around you.


Gorge sucked at his Job! Seeing the wife beating, child abusing, pot smoking, alcoholic Jon was.

Don’t feel sorry for me for having a "Dead beat dad".  I have the Holy Spirit who takes out the trash, makes me clean, and fills me up with Joy. I have Jesus, who forgives and protects.

Feel sorry for Jon. He’s got Gorge.

Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.        Gorge Costanz, Seinfeld


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Chanting and Sage burning

>> Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Weaseling out of things is important to learn, it’s what separates us from the animals...except the weasel. -Homer Simpson


Trying to get some me time often is a losing fight. Even time in the bathroom is not about me, with little fingers fishing about under the door.

A run to the dog park or the grocery store is as close as I get. Today’s me time was spent at the library in such for some Joy. If I'm going to fulfill my goal of keeping my cup full I'd better figure out what I'm doing.

Finding my Joy in a little book of crap however was not what I was expecting. Between my selection of "Looking up When life is looking down" by Beth Moore and "Laugh again, experience outrageous Joy" By Charles R. Swindoll, was this little brown book of Crap....

No kidding the title of the book is "Crap." by Conley, Macklin, and Miller. Why it took 3 authors to write a book of "Crap." I could not tell. Laughing to myself at the irony of the book.
Though written for teens I couldn't help but pulling it off the shelf and read the back.


"Ever feel like your life is filled with crap?" Well yes...yes I do. Sounds like a book for me...or not.


Being a small book it took me less then an hour to read. (Not all at once, between diapers, homework, and breaking up fights) But my take on it as a whole is its Crap... It’s about dealing with problems as a teen, why people give you crap and how to avoid it. Though it was cute in a silly way...Its main idea was "deal with it."


The following is taken from the book of "Crap."


Here are a few reasons why people give you crap.


*They like you (maybe even really like you.)
*They don't like you.
*They don't like themselves.
*They're projecting their own fears, ideas, hopes, dream, or insecurities on you.
*Their favorite contestant was cut from "americal Idol". (Don’t know if the book meant to spell "americal" like that or it’s a typo...but that’s how it’s written)
*They are overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived, and/or just generally frazzled.
*Picking on you is easier then dealing with their own crap.
*Starbucks was closed.


Now the book "Crap." Has a chapter on "Spread love not Crap as well as offers advice on how do get rid of crap like "chanting and sage burning" and having a "Crap funeral" But that’s about it......Hey buddy, yeah you who’s parents just split up....how about a "crap funeral"...that should make you feel better! !WHAT! No my kids wont be reading this little peace of crap.


Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. "- Kurt Vonnegut


Off to read some real Joy...I hope









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Mugs of trash make me pissy

>> Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks. ~Jean Kerr
There are many reasons for finding Joy daily and purge the garbage. If your cup is full of Joy, there should be no room for trash. Right? Not as easy as I would of thought.




Some days I find myself, toes against the kitchen wall, bouncing my head off the drywall. All in a effort to restrain myself from charging in the living room and beating some sense into my kids with a big stick*, or duct taping their mouths shut so I don't have to hear the fighting over who killed who on the video game.

Other times I turn the radio up really loud to drown out Maggie's naggings screams for more juice. "JU JU MAMA JU JU!" Otherwise I might run out of the house flailing my arms like a deranged lunatic yelling

"JUST MAKE THE SCREAMING STOP, PLEASE, THE SCREAMING...I CAN'T TAKE THE SCREAMING!"


One goal with this journey in filling my Joy is to deal with frustration in a better manner then I have been. Freaking out on my kids because I'm overwhelmed with life’s stress', no matter how much they tick me off, is never a good thing.

Being pissy that my husband is being negative about EVERYTHING is my choice. So I'm trying to bite my tough...if I bite it anymore It may fall off... But in the end that maybe a good thing cause I can't lose it and scream at him very well if I have no tough.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK THE BIGGEST LOSER IS DUMB!!! I LIKE IT AND THATS WHAT WERE WATCHING SO SHUT UP BEFORE I BEAT YOU WITH A STICK*!"

Not much Joy in that...Ha! I'm learning!


If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. ~Edgar W. Howe




* I have never and will never beat anyone with a stick.

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How dumb is a box of rocks anyway?

>> Monday, January 25, 2010




Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – Lord Rochester


Everyone loves their kids, are proud of them and want to share their best qualities by bragging to their friends and families. Sometimes to excess and exaggeration.

Personally, I know I have the best kids. An 11 year old wiz kid, a super compassionate 7 year old, my 4 year old could hit a ball better then anyone, and my baby girl is the cutest thing ever!
I do try and keep my boasting to my mom and best friends, and never exaggerate. (What!? I do not!)

On a resent stop at the local Safeway with my 4 and 1 year old, I ran into the mother of one of my kids friends (I will call her Sandy).
I made the mistake of inquiring on how her youngest daughter liked kindergarten. Sandy happily went into excess and exaggerations boasting about her daughter’s success.

“She’s reading at a second grade level,” (yeah right) “she’s the teachers pet, she won an award for her amazing art work. We are thinking of skipping her a grade,”

How do I get myself out of this nightmare!?

 “She’s playing the violin.” Blah blah blah…

At this point I’m picturing that “far side” comic were the spider has spun the words “goodbye world” in his web and is hanging lifeless from it.. I now know why the spider took his own life…he lived in Sandy’s house!


While Sandy drowns on, Sam is asking me why I’m getting the kind of cheese he hates… cheese? I don’t even have cheese in my cart!

 This gives me an idea. As Sandy takes a breath,
I interrupt in my sweetest voice.

“Gosh, you are so lucky to have such a bright girl!”

Sam smacks a box of cereal with a star on it and runs off spinning shouting the Cha cha cha song.  I continue...

“We really don’t know what to do with Sam… he’s dumb as a box of rocks. He can’t even spell his own name.”

Pity fogs over Sandy’s once beaming face.

“The closest Sam comes to Art work is coloring on the walls and eating paste! His preschool teachers says all he dose is sit in the corner scratching his butt and sniffing his fingers.”

None of this is true of course, but I couldn’t help myself. Trying to keep a straight face while Sandy asks me if we’ve had him tested for ADHD was very difficult.

Sam makes his was back to us having lost his “star power.” I take this cue to say goodbye, leavening Sandy wondering if I was a bad parent or just nuts.

If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time- a tremendous whack. ~ Sir Winston Churchill










Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and my own butt.

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RUN BARBIE RUN!

It is only the fear of God that can deliver us from the fear of man. –John Witherspoon



I proudly proclaimed myself an atheist as a teenager and stayed that way until my mid twenties. I might as well say I was a phantasm for all I knew about atheism. My thinking (witch was not much) was that if this God loved us so much why would he want us to fear him?! I didn’t get this from studying the bible that’s for sure.
It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Dt 6:13


Pffftt whatever … I did not need No God to tell me what to do, who did he think he was anyway?! The creator of everything?? HA!


Yes, I had an attitude problem (along with a few other problems).


What I didn’t know was God had a shifty plan for my life. Know the emptiness of life living without God ~ So when life is filled with the Joy of living for Him I’d never want anything else.


Jesus said “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11


And boy is it ever!…I’m up to my eyeballs full of this “Joy” of Jesus...so much so it often spills out of my tear ducks when I even speak of what he has done in my life. (Man, I hate it when that happens!)


Today as a Mother of 3 boys I have found great Joy in filling them with not only the fear of God, but the fear of MOM.


In horror flicks it’s always the blonde running from the Werewolf, Creature from space, Monster Killer tomato or whatever. The blonde (Wearing something 2 sizes to small) is screaming and fleeing from the beast, when things becomes to quite, just then... (wait for it)... she comes across the monster crouched over the body of her boyfriend! She freezes in shock and dismay at the seen of carnage. (You’re shouting at this point “RUN DUMMY RUN!”) Werewolf-alien-Monster slowly turns sensing her …Oh the sight of blood and guts dripping down its ghastly face. Cut to Blondie... (Hair and make-up perfect after running for her life for 20 min.) Terror! Eyes huge, mouth slack, scream struggles to escape. Your thinking “Oh sh*t she’s dead” The Creature lunges…


This is the same look, my child has, getting caught committing some major offense. I imagine they see me, the deranged gruesome Monster as I silently snatch them up and drag their petrified body to the corner. They plead for mercy as I set the kitchen timer for their 5 Minutes of Hell in time out!




Yes I get a little bit of Joy seeing that look (ok, a lot of Joy). The “Oh sh*t I’m dead” running across their sweet little naughty face. That’s right, ah huh, you know it, I’m MOM and I am to be feared…because as the Lord loves us, I love them more then anyone else on earth.



My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. –Mark Twain

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Look mama I've got the Cha Cha Chas

>> Sunday, January 24, 2010

"Look mama I've got the Cha Cha Chas!"
Sammy is jumping all over spinning around shaking his bum and singing "ch ch ch cha" Looks like some kind of mad mind sickness.
He is playing Super Mario Bros.wii. You know when Mario punchs that flashing box with the ? on it, out pops a bouncing star...
POW!
Mario is super...invincible! music gets fast and plays that "ch ch cha chchch cha cha". Mario can run super fast and distroy anything in his path.
Well unless he falls into a pit, cause everyone knows that not even the cha cha chas can save you from the pit, you're a gonner!
Sometimes Sammy gets the "Cha cha cha's" at the store or park..
OH LORD watch out! He runs around like a nut shouting the Mario cha cha chas.
I wish I could get the "cha cha chas" POW! dishes done...POW! house clean...POW! dinner cooked...and I have all the time in the world for my Husband and kids...
I do find when I get the bla bla blas..the only cure is spending some time with God.

THE PIT
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
A SUBJECTIVE person came along and said: "I feel for you, down there."
An OBJECTIVE person came along and said: "it's logical that someone would fall down there."
A PHARISSE said: "only bad people fall into a pit."
A MATHEMATICAN calculated how he fell into the pit.
A NEWS REPORTER wanted the exclusive story on his pit.
A FUNDAMENTALIST said: "you deserve your pit."
A I.R.S. man asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
A SELF-PITYING person said: "you haven't seen anything until you've seen MY PIT!"
A CHARISMATIC said: "just confess that you're not in a pit."
An OPTIMIST said: "things could be worse."
A PESSIMIST said: "Things will get worse!"
JESUS, seeing the man, took him by the hand and LIFTED HIM OUT of the pit.
-Source Unknown
Now if I could just find my flashing box with the ? on it!

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thank you for reading

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