Blog award

>> Sunday, February 28, 2010

Feeling a bit like a puppy today, wagging my tail, hoping around excitedly, and falling all over myself.  Except puppies look cute when they do this…I however look like a lunatic and will cause others to flee. So I’ll dial it back a bit.


I’m very pleased to get my first blogger award! From the very lovely and sweet gal @ MisAdventuresofMomof3.


Rules: Accept the award; post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award. 

I love any excuse to hop around to other blogs, what fun to spread the Joy.   However I'd never find the time to Grant 15..so here is my top picks:  


Stories of an Imperfect Mom
Cakes & Beans
A Slob Comes Clean
Smile, Laugh or Die
The Days I'll Remember
Meet Chaz
Storing Up Treasures




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Why torture yourself when life'll do it for you?

>> Friday, February 26, 2010

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey

I’m so confused and my head is starting to hurt.


If life is like a box of chocolates, and you never know what you’re going to get? Then why do I spend so much time looking for the cherry filled ones?
If life is a bitch and then you die? Does that make me, said bitch?
If life is a Joke, am I the punch line? Is it a one liner or stand up? What’s so dang funny? I don’t get it.
If life what you make it? Then this is my entire fault? I am so sorry!
If life is simple, I’d hate to see what hard is!
If a life without cause is a life without effect, what effect does not having a cause have?
If life is like sailing, I’m getting sea sick.
If life has no meaning... that would be, well… just mean.
If life is a gamble, what are my odds?
If life is the game that must be played...can I warm the bench for a few rounds?
If life is an incurable Disease, then please just start the morphine drip!
If life is a mixed blessing, I’ll take mine with some salt and lime.
If life is the sum of all your choices, then my choice is for Sum better.
If life's like a novel with the end ripped out…how will you ever know if this is your happily ever after?
If Life is like an onion; you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it? I guess that’s what all the crying is about then.
If Life is a series of collisions with the future... should I be wearing a seat belt?
If Life is easier than you'd think; and all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable…Then what was I thinking?
If Life is a shit sandwich… I’ll need a really big milkshake to wash it down!!!
And if …Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like… I’d like just to say AMEN SISTER!


Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper. ~The X-Files






Friday Follow

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Wordless Wednesday~forever in print as God's most important prophet

>> Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

Our sweet Maggie posed for this art work at 4 weeks old.
Sermon View needed a baby with lots of dark hair for a photo shoot.
Here she is as Baby Moses
Our only baby girl, forever in print as God's most important prophet 


Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch. ~Ramona C. Carroll

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Oh the Bitchs you meet at the Dog park

>> Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I love taking the dog to the dog park, its kind of sad that I like it so much. I get almost as excited to go as he does (not so much as I pee myself, but close) because I get out of the house without any kids, breath some fresh air, and get to talk to adults. (Oh so very sad)


I know almost all the regular dogs by name, but only one or two of the owners (this too is sad). I’ve given most of the dogs’ nicknames; don’t really know why I do this.

Here are some of my favorite dogs, the good the bad, and the bitchs.

Big dork dog Buck: My dog, and as the name says…he is just a big dorky dog! A white ball of goof, 8 month old 100lb Lab Shepherd mix.

Handsome Samson: is a sweet fun golden retriever, has become BFF with my dog Buck and lives two doors down from me. In five years of living here, we met them for the first time at the dog park, Strange. *sad sad sad*

Herman the humper: Herman is a  lab mix that although fixed will hump anything that moves…or doesn’t move for that matter.

Buddy the Bully: A young Rotty- lab mix that wants to wrestle, non-stop and NEVER lets up.

Sweet Sophie: another golden, nuff said there.

Pissy Missy: A Lhasa Apso that will rip your dogs face off if he gets in Miss Priss’ space. One day I’ll get the nerve to remind her owner of the “dog park guild lines” and tell her to get her bitch out of there. *I think I like to talk about dogs just to use the word "bitch" in its true meaning, since its the only time I could, and not look like a potty mouth*

Princess Poopsalot: Not that this frenchy poops more then any other dog, its more about her owner, either she *conveniently* isn’t looking when her dog poos or plays the “oh I’ll never find it over there” when someone points out her dog squatting. Again one, day I’ll have the nerve to grab her by the hand and show her right where it is. *maybe I could even get a badge and be the "Dog park ranger," cool beans*

Lucky the leg lifter: A 7 month old Mastiff that likes to mark everything! (Another park violation, no intact dogs, its just so sad I even know what that means.) He has lifted his leg on me twice, nothing like being peed on by a dog to make you feel good about yourself. Seems now I’m his bitch… Sorry Buck.


I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too. ~Robert Brault

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House cleaning tips from the retired ladys Dog.

This lady is todays featured blogger on  The Secret's in the Sauce.   I just got such a kick in the pants over her house cleaning tips...I had to share the laugh!  

Follow this link to Wrestling With Retirement 


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FAT Play boy bunny

>> Saturday, February 20, 2010

          At fourteen you don't need sickness or death for tragedy. ~Jessamyn West

 My face grew warmer as I watched them all laugh at me. I put on a fake smile and laughed right along, but nothing at all was funny!

There I stood devastated, clad in nothing but my white cotton training bra and white cotton underwear. I was trapped with a bunch of pre teen girls; all four of us were down to our unmentionables.

There was Jenny, in her little yellow flower print panties, and training bra. Jenny was so thin that her bra stretched flat across her chest, and her underwear hung loose, sagging in the rear.

Standing next to me was Tanya, my best friend and birthday girl. Tanya was sporting her new training bra. Her underwear however were not new, the pink panties seem a size to small. One of her butt cheeks was always showing, and she had to keep digging them out of her crack.

Last but not and Oh SO least, was Tiffany, the one behind the Polaroid. I Hated Her!
If I had not been so scared she would kick my butt, I would have told her to shut the heck up! Tiffany was a year older then the rest of us, much taller, and had already had her period. Tiffany in her real bra filled with real boobs, Tiffany in her big girl panties.

This was Tanya’s 12th birthday and slumber party, and the reason for my nightmare. It may also have been the start of my life long body image issues. One thing for sure, I never got undressed in front of a group of girls again!

I had begged Tanya not to invite her.
“Tiffany’s cool Michelle,” she told me. “You just don’t like anyone new.”

COOL!? COOL!? She’s a 6th grade bully! At recess Tiffany doubled dared Nicole to hit me in the face with a basketball. Nicole did it, walked right up to me said, “think fast!” and WHAM!


“I don’t think I’m coming then.” I told her, not wanting a repeat of the basketball incident.
“Don’t be a baby, you are coming, anyway your mom already said you could,” Tanya said.
Well, that was that then.

The party was fun, at first. Then Tiffany had this idea.


“Tanya, try on your new bra and model if for us.”


“Yeah its pretty, mine has a pink bow on it too,” adds Jenny.


SNAP! ~ “Ouch Tiffany! What did you do that for?” Jenny cries.


“I just wanted to see if you really had one on.” Tiffany laughs


“Well I do.” says Jenny.


“Why? You don’t need one.” Tiffany said, laughing harder now.


Turning to me Tiffany asks, “What about you Michelle, do you have on a bra?”


Having already backed myself up to the wall, I nodded.


“Cool, we can all model our bras!” Yells Tiffany.  She turns up “Like a virgin” on Tanya’s Boom box, and starts yanking off her “Rat” T-shirt. 
Just like lemmings, we all followed, peer-pressure at its finest.

It was a frenzy of blue eye shadow and frizzy perms, singing into curling irons and hair brushes. "I'm gona give you all my love boy, my fear is fading fa ah ast!" 
I was having a good time, my fear fading fast, then Tanya finds her Dad’s Polaroid camera.
Oh goody.

"Awesome!" Tiffany sings, grabs the camera and starts giving directions.


“No, No, Jenny get over here, Tanya should be in the middle it’s her birthday.” She says, waving her arms at us. “Ok get closer and look sexy.”


Giving it my all, I fluff up my hair, put my hand on my hip and stick my backside way out. Pursing my lips, I do my best Sexy “Daisy Duke” over the shoulder smile.


The Polaroid flash Pops and Tiffany says in her best supper snotty voice.


“Oh baby… Michelle you sure make the perfect Playboy bunny... FAT Play boy bunny that is!” Then they all laughed and laughed…ha ha ha … “Michelle’s a Fat Play boy!”


I really, really Hated her!

I wonder what ever happened to that Polaroid photograph?  I looked good girl!









Tanya and I @ 18, check out them shoulder pads.


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guest blissful babbler

>> Thursday, February 18, 2010

I’m so very excited *hopping up and down in my chair* to feature my first guest blissful babbler.

I thought my life was stressful; I’m such a foolish girl.



Read how Courtney keeps her head on straight with 10 Kids… (No that’s not a typo)


Got to love and respect her, you go girl!

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One of those Days....(Guest post by Courtney)

Have you ever had one of those days....

When you wake up startled to your three year old screaming his head off.

You stumble out of bed only to realize it is 5am and a whole two hours earlier than you normally wake up.

You trip over some random crap strewn about your room that some unnamed 6 year old left behind the day before.

You rescue your three year old from his imaginary fears and comfort him with a sippy cup and blanket on the couch.

You begin to drift off to sleep cuddled up with him when suddenly you feel something cold and wet.

You discover the spill proof sippy cup has malfunctioned.

After cleaning yourself up, the couch up, and the three year old you sit back down to close your eyes.

All seems peaceful until you hear the cat making some retched hacking noise upstairs.

You tip toe up the stairs to investigate when you feel something warm and squishy seeping between your toes. You gently lift your foot hoping it is not what you think it is.

YUP.

It is.

Cat Vomit.

You make your way back downstairs to clean off your foot and get the rug cleaner.

Before you get to the bottom of the stairs, you hear a little voice.

Yes, now the 6 year old is awake.

After you clean up the mess you decide that resting is now out of the question. You head for the beloved coffee pot only to discover you are out of coffee filters.

Fortunately, this day has happened before and so you quickly Macgiver a new filter out of paper towels and turn on the pot.

The kitchen quickly fills with the aroma of your favorite brew as the rest of the brood begins trickling down the stairs.

I am hungry Mommy. Can we have eggs? I want some juice please. He took my spot on the couch!

As they one by one begin whining at you.

You start trying to meet every one's requests simultaneously because that is what Mommy's do.

You stop for a moment to pour yourself a cup of get up and go , but instead you get a cup full of coffee grinds.

Looks like your makeshift filter didn't work out.

As you turn around you hear the eery sound of thousands of tiny objects hitting the wood floor and scattering about your entire downstairs.

You turn the corner hoping it is not what you think it is.

YUP.

It is.

Your three year old has just dumped a zillion beads from your craft bin all over.

You spend the next hour on your hands and knees trying to clean up the disaster. Knowing you will spend the next year finding beads in every nook and cranny of your house.

You offer up a silent prayer.

Lord, don't let the baby find any of these and choke on them.

After breakfast you tidy up the house. While in the middle of sweeping you hear a shriek. The kind that is never good.

You rush up the stairs to find the toilet clogged and your 10 year old standing ankle deep in brown , horrific smelling water.

As you quickly run to gather buckets and towels to clean up the mess, you step on a pin hidden in the carpet.

With a bleeding foot you clean up the mess and unclog the toilet.

Out of sheer exhaustion you slump down on the couch to catch your breath when you hear your eight year old exclaim " Mommy it looks like the baby has poop coming out of his diaper!"

And wouldn't you know it he does.

Down his legs.

Up his back.

Time for a bath.

Sigh.

Have you ever had one of those days?



(BIO) - My name is Courtney and I am the mother of 10 amazing kiddos. Yes, we are one of those crazy BIG families . No we don't have a reality TV show and YES we know how this happens. I love photography. I am passionate about adoption. Come visit me at http://www.storinguptreasures.com/ and follow along as we attempt to answer the question "Is ten enough?"

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God help me, before anyone else gets hurt and I lose my mind!”

>> Wednesday, February 17, 2010

We use to watch this preacher guy on TV who always preaches, if we say it with our mouth we will cause it to be true.



His example: In the Bible, God said “let there be light” and it was so.


So by me saying all the time, “my kids are driving me nuts,” I will then, be driven nuts by my kids.


I thought that guy was full of it, seeing that saying “I’m a rich, skinny, hot babe” Over and over has yet to work.


But after last night…I am wondering if there is more to it.


I was busy, busy, busy, unloading the dishwasher, so I could load it with the dinner dishes. I know, I know, I do this to myself all the time.


Maggie was set up at the table with paper and markers, her favorite pass time.


What seem like seconds had passed, and she had managed, to spill a glass of juice, eat the green marker, and scribble all over Jonah’s home work!


Currently she was finger painting the juice, (now green, from the marker) all over my table.


I run over panicking to get to the home work before the juice did, at the same time nagging at my poor one year old.


“You’re going to make me nuts girl, could you make a bigger mess? Can anything else go wrong tonight? Can’t I just get one thing done, without the house falling apart?”


Snatching her up by her pig tails, and shutting her in the dog kennel, was out of the question. With all I had to get done, it was not such a bad idea though. So after doing some deep breathing and counting to ten, I washed her up and sent her spinning off to chase the dog.


When in walks Jonah, with his socks balled up in one hand, and a small tooth in the other.


“Mom!”


“What now?” I sigh.


“Mom, my tooth fell out, and I taste blood,” showing me the bloody hole in his head.


“How the heck did that happen?” I ask, thinking he didn’t have any loose teeth.


“Avery shoved my socks in my mouth, and my tooth got knocked out.” Jonah mumbles this though his socks, which he is now using to stop the bleeding.


“Ok, you guys need to knock it off before anyone else gets hurt, and I lose my mind!”


Now its Avery’s turn…


“Mommy, Sam bit me.” Lifting his left arm and showing me the battle wound.


Taken aback by the nasty black and purple mark, I ask.


“Oh man, when did he do that?”


“When I was annoying him.” He said, dead serious.


An uncontrollable smile blooms across my face.


“What’s gotten in to you kids? You are ALL making me crazy, it time for bed.”


Spoken to soon, everyone’s got to have a chance to make mom crazy…


“Mama, Maggie smashed my finger in the dishwasher. I told you, I don’t want this baby anymore!” Sam wines, then sticks his middle finger in his mouth.


“You want to get rid of your little sister?” I ask.


“Aw, no?” Seeming to wonder if I really could do that.


Avery butts in with, “I want to get rid of MY little brother!”


“Ok Avery, Maggie hurt Sam, you feel better now.”


I just want to get back to the dishes at this point; I’ll try for mother of the year some other day.


“Yeah I guess, thanks Maggie.” Avery agrees, and pats Maggie on the head.


“Now go get ready for bed please.” I beg, thinking to myself a padded room with three hot meals and a cot are looking pretty good right about now.






Back to the dishwasher… only to find Maggie has filled the soap cups (or whatever you call them) with cat food.


Oh come on!


“I’m a rich, skinny, hot babe…I’m a rich, skinny, hot babe… I’m a rich, skinny, hot babe.”

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Be a guest babbler, give us some bliss

>> Tuesday, February 16, 2010



Be a blissful babbler!

We would love to hear from you, be a guest babbler on blissful babble.
Spread some Joy, laughter, inspire, and brighten our day.
Have you read one of my post only to say, “oh yeah I can one up that!” Well come on, do it sister, I dare you. I’d love to read about it, show us your witty fun side.

Do you have a story of a hard lesson learned; want to poke fun at yourself. You know you want to, and we want to know. Inspire us!


Are you a major pain in the butt, before your second cup of coffee?
Did your kid humiliate you in the store, by lifting that old ladies dress?
Admit it, tell us about it, we want to laugh with you, if not at you!

Does you husband put on your thong, and do a dance just for you, to the “Thong song.”
Did you go skinny dipping with the pastor’s wife, after drinking to much wine at the woman’s retreat? Are you just dying to tell someone? Don’t keep it to you self, you can always use a pen name. Brighten our day!

Did you get into your best sexy baby doll, sneak down stairs to surprise your husband…only to find he brought his brother home for dinner? Spread the JOY!

Do you already have a blog, want me to link to your JOYFUL story, give it to me girl!

Once a week I will host a guest post, I’d love it to be YOU. All the credit is your own; the only profit I make is lifting my spirit and hopefully yours.
Email me with your questions, ideas, story, or link, and spread the bliss with your babble. Include a photo…or where I can steel your photo, and blog info if you have one.
Contact me @ blissfulbabble@yahoo.com







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chocolate flavored hydrogenated love

>> Sunday, February 14, 2010






Having a good sense of humor is always a plus when you're broke. Valentine's day for instance... No diamond earrings, or trips to Paris for us, not even dinner out with cheap wine.

So when my husband asked me if I was enjoying my Valentine's chocolates, I couldn't help but make light of the splendid gift.

Me: Oh yes honey, these Milk Chocolate flavored harts are the best. (passing out candies to kids)
Him: Nothing but the best for you my love. Those must of been a hot item, I got the last one.
Me: I'm sure, cheap husbands everywhere must of been snatching up all the 50 cent valentine's gifts. (taking a nibble *grimis*)
Him: They must be good, there almost gone.
Me: All 2 oz of partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, couldn't hold myself back. (shoving my nibbled on heart at my 4 year old, who horks it down)
Him: Well the kids like them anyway.
Me: They like anything wrapped in red shiny foil.
Him: I know how much you love Chocolate...Whats that look for?
Me: When IT IS chocolate.
Him: What's the diff... Chocolates are chocolates arnt they?
Me: Well for one thing, real chocolate melts in your mouth...this stuff just falls apart. But I sure love the card honey. (kissy face)
Its not that I'm some kind of chocolate snob, by any means...its just that I have these funny things called taste buds.
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Sandra J. Dykes

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Fun now, kids later.

>> Friday, February 12, 2010

I recently came across a paper I wrote in collage. The subject was the pros and cons of having condom machines in the public bathrooms.
Do they even have those anymore?


You know the ones…big metal boxes that dispensed Trojan lubricated latex condoms.


It was a big deal because you could buy a condom, without anyone ever knowing.


You’d plunk in 50 cents, out would drop this blue square with its roundness bulging out. Like a wrapped raspberry sucker, with the stick missing. It was kind of fun, squishing the lubed ring around inside its wrapper.

That’s about all I ever did with the thing.
My condom just hid in my wallet for years, until the day I had to toss it, expired and unrecognizable

Now being in my 30’s, married with kids, I could just run up to the drug store and buy a box. Any kind I want, glow in the dark, ECSTASY ribbed for her pleasure…etc etc…


That is if I even needed one, which I don’t, IUD is a wonderful thing.

All this made me think, what are the “Pros and Cons” of running across a condom dispenser at different stages in life?

*Teen


Pro- You buy one and impress all your friends.


Con- Your mom finds it.

*20’s


Pro- You buy one, for “just in case.”


Con- Your BFF swipes it for her “just in case.”

*30’s


Pro- It makes a great impromptu balloon animal to entertain the screaming kid.


Con- You have to explain, to the kid that can read what a condom is.

*40’s


Pro- you buy one, shove it in your BFF’s face, while franticly gasping; “look what I found in YOUR daughters back pack.


Con- You get punched in the nose for scaring the crap out of your BFF.

*50’s


Pro- You buy one to show off to your friends that you’re still young enough to need one.


Con- Your teen finds it.

*60’s


Pro- A condom machine is a great place to set your purse while you wash your hands.


Con- You have know Idea what you did with you purse.

*70’s


Pro- makes a great impromptu bunion pad.


Con- you have absolutely no other use for it.




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Cops don't even dare approach

>> Thursday, February 11, 2010

If you see this van driving the street…get the heck out of the way.



Yes, I am one of them…the folks with the “stick family” hanging to the back of their car.


Mine is not to say, “Hey look at us, we have lots of kids, aren’t we cute.”


When my husband saw our, stick family, he just said, “Why do we have so many kids?”   Maybe thats what most people say when they see it?


All I know is, MY stick family is a warning. So take heed! 


“I’m a woman on the edge, Leave a wide birth!”


I’m not admitting to being a distracted driver or anything like that. However, I have been known to spend a lot of time distracted while driving.


“Mom, what’s that truck say?”


“Mom, do you even know where you're going?”


“Mom, Sam spit on me!”


Don’t pass to close, because chances are I’m reaching into the back to retrieve a tossed tippy cup, or trying to prevent a toddler from attempting a car seat break out.


Oh and, how about driving while trying to keep a 100lb monster of a puppy from clambering into my lap.

YES, Heed my warning...


Let’s not forget the classic, driving while passing out fast food.
I’ve been known to toss a burger right in to the hand of my pre-teen sitting in the third row, while traveling at 60MPH down I-205, and talking on the cell to my BFF. 
Nice, hunh?


The “stick family” gives me power too!


Power to get really pissed when other drivers don’t YIELD to the “sticker.”


“HEY MORON…I’V GOT FOUR KIDS IN THIS CAR, SLOWDOWN!”


“Mom, what’s a moron?”




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Cynicism and chili cheese dip.

>> Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I just love it when people state the obvious. Love it so much in fact; it’s hard to keep myself from beating them with a big stick.


Like when my friend posted on face book, her goal to get fit and lose weight.

My first thought was, (with an eye roll) Yeah, good luck with that.

My cynicism stems from having falling off that wagon recently. I can’t find a way to drown my sorrows in carrots… its always ice-cream and chili cheese dip.

So, when her other “friends” posted “helpful supportive advice”, I wanted to heave my Big Mac.

Here are a few of them (c/p off her page)…the other 10 comments were about the same…


*Moderation my friend or it won't work! Exercise!!!






*Exercise is the key .... just doing that will help alot! You can do it Mary !!!!






*exercise! It's amazing how good it feels. Even when you are feeling like a turd and don't want to leave the house.


Oh-oh-oh I wanna comment~! My fingers few, as I typed replies like…


*DUH!


*Moderation…It won’t work, if you don’t do it?? Exercise… insightful.


*R U KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!? Thank you! Jillian Michaels!


* Oh really, eat less-move more, THAT’S the key to weight loss? Why didn’t someone tell me that!!


* Exercise and Moderation… DANG...I had it ass backwards all this time!


* Sounds so easy… when put THAT way. You’re so smart.


* I kind of like the Amazing feeling of being a fat lazy pig…Don’t you?


I, however, managed not to post anything (Shocker…I know) …saving my friend from the inevitable chic fight on FB.


I’m still amazed I didn’t spout off, right then and give them all a little piece of me! GAWD they so had it coming.


Plus, I am trying to fill my cup with Joy, right.


Who am I kidding…that would of giving me immense JOY!

"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." ~Oscar Wilde





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"eat my dust mom"

>> Monday, February 8, 2010

Maggie is 21 months now, her newest word is "Help."  

Translation:

"Help"...  open the front door, so I can run off down the street.
"Help"...  I don't know how to get down from here.
"Help"...  soap looks prettier then it tastes.
"Help"...  I have poo on my finger, wiping it off on the couch is not working.
"Help"...  my head is stuck, this looked like a good idea at the time.
"Help"...  open Avery's door, so I can mess with his stuff.
"Help"...  petting cat good, sitting on cat, bad.
"Help"...  I CAN, put my toothbrush my ear.
"Help"...  the dog is eating my sock, and my foots still in it.
"Help"...  Sam is sitting on ME!
"Help"...  I think I'm in the pantry, and its really, really, dark. 
"Help"...  this was once fun...now, not so much. 

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Psycho mom, and the Lord of the flies.

>> Saturday, February 6, 2010


“I’m jumping in the shower!” Where the last words I spoke, before my glorious delusions of being a good mom were sucked out the window.




My two younger boys are playing across the street at a friend’s house.


The oldest boy is happy to watch the one year old.


It’s just to good to be true, I’m out of here!


I often meet with Jesus in the shower… (Jesus our Lord and savior, Not Jesus, the landscaper.)


I’m sounding pretty darn good, singing tracks off Third days worship CD. Just so sad, I can’t sound this good in church.


My final verse of “God of wonders,” comes to an end, and I’m feeling refreshed.




As I emerged from my steamy sanctuary, my mommy senses start tingling.


Oh Lord, please don’t let that be MY kids screaming outside. Not my kids…someone else’s kid, please.


Peering thought my bedroom blinds; I am shocked, and appalled at the carnage on the streets below.

CRAP!

No, the screaming is not coming from my kids; it's being caused by one of my kids.


Armed with a 4 foot long stick, Sam, my sweet 4 year old son, is beating the snot out of some boy.


There is 5, maybe 6 boys, all packing sticks and play guns. Looks like a seen out of Lord of the flies!

Oh dang, oh dang…what will the neighbors think, I have to stop this chaos, before someone loses an eye or something!

Yanking up the blinds, and pulling open the window, I start Yelling.
In my most authoritative Supper nanny yell…


“SAM-SAM STOP THAT NOW! SAMUEL LUKE! THIS IS YOUR WARNING!”


Sam is ether using his best selective hearing…or he really can't hear me over his victims screams for help.


Screw Supper nanny…now I’m using the Psycho mom scream…


“SAM…SAM, PUT DOWN THE STICK! GET IN THIS HOUSE, NOW!... NOW!”


Well this gets him to pause and look around…and all the other boys also stopped, looking for who’s mom was loosing it.


Taking a break from loading rocks into his toy gun, Jonah points up to my window,


“Oh, hey mom.”


Sending the eyes of the entire army of flies, up to the window I was standing in.


Just then, cool air coming in from the open window, chilled my still damp, BARE SKIN.


My brain snaps back into my head, realizing…In my haste to kill my son, I had failed to get dressed.


Standing there, in only my bra and underwear, (thank God for that much) I was now, THAT MOM!

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Toys scare the hell out of me

>> Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I can’t believe I’m about to write this...



I guess *mental head slap* I’ve been in denial for a while now.


The time has come, to face it and embrace the simple fact …


I’m not young anymore!


OK! I said it, it was painful, and now my head hurts.


(Notice I don’t say old, cause I’m not old! And don’t even say middle age, because that’s my mom)


I discovered this sad horrifying fact at a recent Passion party I attended.


Now what happens at a Passion party is suppose to stay at the Passion party…


But hey…I didn’t sign any contact agreement, so all bets are off.


At a Passion party you know you’re not young anymore WHEN …

…you find yourself having a conversation about your TMJ, and how it’s now a blessing, more then a curse…

…you can no longer control, or care to control, the things that fly out of your mouth.


For example… When the young chick in the corner comments…
“Ewwww FAT GIRL!” while flipping thought the exotic plays manual.
You let fly…
“Hey fat girls have sex too you know, and damn good sex, I might add!”

… you find the idea of, cuffing your husband to the bed, after smearing him with love oil, Followed by leaving the room and letting the dog in…
EXTREAMLY funny. I mean pee yourself, and not care kind of funny.

…you find that the “Adult Toys” they pass around scare the HELL out of you.

…you about fall off your chair when they bring out the “Just for him” collection. (I still have nightmares)

… you can’t think of one single use for by body glitter, warming gel, or Edible Massage Cream. 

...you would never pay 150.00 for something with eight speeds and eight functions..unless it was a Kitchenaid mixer.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. ~Bob Hope

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A Monkey ate your what?!?

>> Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. ~Not Your Average Dictionary


I once wondered why God would condemn me with three boys.
Yes, Condemn… after seeing what my brother put my mother through growing up, I couldn’t think of a worse fate.


In my mind, this was punishment for all my past sins.  I was about to be pummeled, or so I imagined.



The first time I was informed that I was expecting a demon boy child, I cried, hard, for hours.

By the time the second was spawned, I was ok with it. Even though I had prayed vigorously for a girl, I had to admit, I kind of liked how the first one was turning out.

Boy, Oh boy, Oh boy! Then came # three…another Boy! Whatever God.


Again my daily prayer was for just a little pink in my life. Like that was way too much to ask for?

I go to church; I'm a good mom, and wife. Why did God hate me so?!

But God knows better then I, and was pummeling, *ahem* I mean, blessing me.

I have accepted my fate, and will take it like a Man… I WANT MY MOMMY!

Now that the evil demon spawn are getting older… It’s becoming a bit clearer to me, Gods plan.

Growing up with a brother and uncles, I have developed a taste, for the fine art of, fart humor.

Aww Fart humor, takes me back to my youth. Oh the Joys of being 7, marching down the hot sidewalk, single file, singing childhood songs.


What a sight we must have been… a couple of teen age boys, a little blonde freckled face girl, with a little cubby cheeked 5 year old in tow.


We had such a good time, stomping our feet, and shouting as loud as we could.


“MY BOOTS ARE HEAVY, MY PANTS ARE TIGHT, AND MY BALLS ARE SWINGING FROM THE LEFT TO THE RIGHT!"


"TO THE LEFT!…TO THE LEFT!… TO THE LEFT RIGHT LEFT!”


I remember thinking…


How my balls could be swinging, if my pants are so tight…maybe there in my boots…that must be why they are so heavy.

So when my boys are running around, pulling fingers, sniffing farts, and gagging each other with their pits, I get such a kick out of it.


I can’t help it, I’m ruff around the edges, I guess…so shot me.


I bust a gut when my 4 year old “moons” his older brothers.

Shouts of...

“a monkey ate your butt!”  or

“do you want to lick my toe jam?”

Just get an eye roll, and a smiling head shake from me.

My husband however thinks this is completely unacceptable behavior…what a stick in the mud.

As long as there not doing it in school or church…who cares?


They are BOYS, they are mine, and I am so blessed.



The greatest poem ever known
Is one all poets have outgrown:
The poetry, innate, untold,
Of being only four years old.


~Christopher Morley, To a Child

p.s. #4 was baby girl...you better belive it! I mean after all...God owes me big!

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Got CHAOS?

>> Monday, February 1, 2010

  Love your Kids? 
Trying to be a good mom,
                  But are at the end of your rope?                 

 There has to be a better way!!






Have you tried it all, but nothing seems to help??
Could use an extra hand but can afford a sitter??


Dry those tears Ladies!
Introducing the newest form of child management...

                                        The Kid Play Pal

Never again will you pull your hair out while completing your daily tasks!Cooking dinner is a snap with no one underfoot.  

Save money on sitters! The Kid Play Pal will quickly pay for it self.
Your kids will be kept out of harms way, while your away.




This safe child obedience tool can be used for Kids of all ages!
All kids love The Kid Play Pal.
Best of all....Your child will feel more loved when you’re not
screaming at them.





Bring Order to your home ~ and peace to family, with
The Kid Play Pal.





The Kid Play pal is avalible at your local retailers and most Pet stores.  
 Better hurry, there going FAST!

Great for your Teens!!  Pets too!!
Pick up The Kid Play pal today!

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. ~Mark Twain

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