My Therapist Dogged me…

>> Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I know my blog header says “avoiding Therapy” but sometimes you have to face the music and realize when you’re as crazy as I am…you need to suck it up and ask for help. Life is hard just deal with it right? Well guess I’m dealing with it in the wrong ways and it’s time for some professional *cough* help.

I went twice and it was what you would expect, she asked questions that made me cry she told me I had to deal with these feelings. Whatever…I HATE feeling…why doesn’t she just deal with it for me?? Just give me Peppermint mocha, a scone and round it off with a bag of chips, just let me eat my way to comfortably numb! Well guess that hasn’t been working because now I’m just uncomfortably fat!

This is the deal, according to my Therapist, I have self-worth issues. DUH! Oh and I sabotage myself…and that’s what I need to learn how to stop doing.

I freaked out before my third appointment with said Therapist, the one that wants me to learn self-worth. I started to panic all day not wanting to go, not wanting to talk…to talk about…well that’s none of your damn business now is it. I sucked it up and went…and waited…and sat…and waited…and she never shows up! Hell good thing I’m not suicidal cause I might have just jumped out the window. Talk about teaching someone they are worth a lick…just not worth her time.

After an apology from the Therapist and another appointment I had to force myself to go to…she leaves me hanging again. Now I really think there must be something wrong with me… guess I’ll just go eat worms. Or better yet a bag of chips. On the bright side I don’t have to change my blog header.

P.S.  If your feeling sorry for me please send food. 


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Excuse me as I grab your crotch.

>> Monday, November 22, 2010

I realize most of us have an opinion about the major U.S. airports X-ray scan that can peer through clothes or the pat-down search that includes the crotch and chest. Although many travelers said that the scans and the pat-down were not much of an inconvenience, and that the stepped-up measures made them feel safer, it’s all over the news and people are freaking out and calling for a boycott of these major airports.

Personally I’d rather be groped then have my plane plummet into the Columbia River in a fiery ball of twisted metal, but that’s just me and you know what opinions are like.

This all made me think about those  poor TSA folks who have to do the “pat-down.” Now that’s a job I would not want…everyone is pissy and offended that you’re feeling up there nether regions. Feeling peoples junk all day cannot be any fun…What kind of training would you have to go though? Would you have to pass a tests? “I’m sorry Jon, but you failed…that was not my ball sack…it was a sack of C4. Lisa however passed with her VERY thorough inspections.” *wink*

If you were a woman TAS agent having to give men  pat downs…can you imagine all the lines you’d hear

“No that is not a pipe bomb…I’m just happy to see you.”

“Can you do that again…just faster and longer?”

“Wait you might want to check again I think you missed something…yeah thats it.”

"A little to the left please."

“Oh baby…and I didn’t even have to buy you dinner.”

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?”

“Got a cigarette?”

“All this attention is making my head swell.”

“Wow this gives ‘flying the friendly skies’ a new meaning.” *wink*

I’m sure that they have male agents’ pat-down men…or we would hope. I think the next time I fly I’ll stick a banana in my pants just to make things a bit more interesting.

*Imagines from AFP

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Soul snatcher?

>> Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Mommy: Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

Child: Lord? What Lord? Lord of the rings? Lord of the fly’s!? And what’s my soul…can I still dance without it?

Mommy: if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take, Amen.

Child: Amen? Wait a minute did you say DIE! What do you mean, die? Is that Lord guy going to kill me and take my soul? Is that him under the bed! I’m sleeping with you FOREVER!

As a child I never understood this prayer, even now as an adult it still kind of creeps me out. My daughter has a little stuffed lamb that says this prayer but the second verse is much sweeter. It says “the angles watch me though the night and keep me in their blessed sight.” Angles are a lot less likely to create fear in small children, don’t ya think.

I started praying regularly with my first son, he was about two and saying a little prayer with him was part of his bed time routine. To be honest it was more for me, not really knowing how to pray, it was good practice and a two year old has no idea if you don’t know what you’re doing.
He loved to ask God to bless his Grammy and Papa and we both got comfort knowing he felt safe to drift off to sleep under Gods watch. Anything is better than worrying that someone might snatch your soul in the dark…I should know.

I realized that my Son knew the full power of prayer at the age of four, I heard him cry out to God from the bathroom one day. Well actually he screamed out for me first…I am his mother after all. I came running to the bathroom, flung open the door to find him on the toilet bent over red faced.

“What…what’s the matter,” I asked him.

He looked up at me with tears in his little eyes and begged...
 “Mom please pray for me, my poop in stuck in my butt and won’t come out!”

Now that my dear friends is what they mean by having faith like a child, we should all follow his example and reach up to God first before falling in the pit…or the toilet whatever the case might be. Oh if you are suffering from the same affliction my son needed prayer for...you may want to keep that one off your Church’s prayer request leaflet…just a suggestion.

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. ~Abraham Lincoln




Night Prayer: 

Watch, O Lord,
with those who wake,
or watch or weep tonight,
and give your angels charge
over those who sleep.

Tend your sick ones,
O Lord Jesus Christ;
rest your weary ones;
bless your dying ones;
soothe your suffering ones;
pity your afflicted ones;
shield your joyous ones;
and all for your love's sake.
Amen.

This ancient prayer, attributed to Saint Augustine of Hippo

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Avoiding the Pit Fall...Life's lessons learned the hard way.

>> Friday, November 5, 2010

Oh honey have I ever been having a journey as of late, the breaking down of walls and a break though to personal Joy. I’m giving up the fight and giving into God's leading in my life, giving up on proving myself to the things of this world and realizing how valuable I really am. If you will, take my hand as I open my heart and show you how God’s making it a beautiful place again. 
Do you remember that classic video game “Pit fall?” The goal of the game is to swing over these big pits, on the bottom are some evil things just waiting to kill you down there in the pit. If you reach up and grab hold of the vine you can swing over the pit avoiding the alligators and scorpions, good thing It’s only a video game, to be honest I don’t have the upper arm strength to swing myself over a golf hole.


Wonder if we reached up before falling into the pits of life? What if in times of pain, sadness, insecurity, arguments, fear, and doubt we first turned to God? It’s been my prayer on my own life, that like a child that has fallen cries for mommy, I cry out to Him first. It’s not an instinct for me, for the most part I cry and whine to everyone but Him and only reach for God when all else fails, I’m deep in the pit and the scorpion is about to sting. I have thought pitifully little of the person God has made me; I’ve despised myself and considered myself inferior to others. What a foolish child I have been, He has made a wonderful treasure in me and in you dear sister. We were not meant to suffer alone behind a wall of shame, God wants us to reach up for Him first, we are deserving of His grace.

When I was 17 I worked at McDonald's with a wonderful woman named Louise. Louise was an older lady, to me she looked OLD but in reality she was maybe 50. During the lunch rush things would get hairy, we would run out of Coke, someone would no-show for their shift, or a bus load of people would pull into the lot, and on a good day all of this would happen at once. If you have ever worked fast-food you know it’s the pits, the customers cab be jerks, you have to be fast, and get paid squat. Poor old Louise was not fast, however she had something I didn’t have. During stress filled moments I’d often find Louise in the back room, hands clasped together, eyes closed, head bowed.

“The drive threw is wrapped around the building, the fries are screaming, and I’m by myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE!” I’d ask her sweetly.

“Praying for the Lords strength,” she would reply, take a deep breath and make her way back to the fries with a renewed sense of peace about her. I’d roll my eyes stomp back to the drive threw window, toss a sack of burgers at the waiting car, and bark into my head set “would you like fries with that?!” Part of me envied that peace Louise had, but I wouldn’t be caught dead praying in the break room, (because if you know me at all you know I was a flaming feminist atheist back then) prayer was for weak old women. HA! It’s almost painful to realize how foolish I was.

Allison DuBois (yes the woman who inspired the hit TV series “Medium”) paints a beautiful picture in her book “don’t kiss them good-bye,” of God’s hand. I won’t get into the whole psychic thing, weather her vision was true (I believe it is) or only to comfort her…it’s a powerful one.

“As I watched the towers fall, I had a vision. I saw a woman in a blazer and skirt; she was huddled on the ground next to a desk. She was scared and she was praying as the building crumbled around her. I started to feel anger that she had to die this way. In that moment I saw the strongest, kindest, golden-white light descend though the ceiling above her and as it lowered, settling over her, it took shape of a hand. In that swift and loving gesture, the woman’s fear was removed and she knew that she was no longer alone.…. The hand was that of a God whose only intention was to show some level of mercy. The hand of this higher power covered people, shielding some of them from certain death. The same hand swiftly carried over those that He needed to call home. ”



This is an extreme example of the power of God’s hand, but He can work this same power in our lives even in the simple every day. All we have to do is reach up and He will settle over you removing your fear, bringing you peace. And honey I’m here to tell you that He has pulled up some deep roots of fear from even this damaged girl. So before we fall into the pit and have to scream out to God for mercy to avoid becoming alligator supper, reach up. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if your praying for strength during a stress filled lunch rush or Crying out in despair over a dyeing friend's hospital bed, He hears us and is merciful.

That all sounds fine and dandy for you Michelle, but that’s just not me…I don’t Pray.


Awe well grasshopper; let’s look into that with a follow up post about Prayer, if you will humor me I’m very excited to show you how He washed away all my doubt and smacked me up side my insecure head…



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Boo...

>> Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Can anyone please tell me what happened to October?  Anyone?  I blinked and it was gone, I've looked everywhere and all I could find was the Joy it left behind.  

Birthday cake...pumpkins...a little spooky...bright falling leaves...and lots of trick-or-treat candy.

And the Joy of just being loved.



October gave a party;

The leaves by hundreds came -
The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,
And leaves of every name.
The Sunshine spread a carpet,
And everything was grand,
Miss Weather led the dancing,
Professor Wind the band.
~George Cooper, "October's Party"





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