Apparently I’m a boob ogler...and I need help.

>> Wednesday, December 29, 2010

When my cousin Rainy asked me if she was “showing too much cleavage,” during a conversation we were having on Christmas Eve, I had no idea what she was talking about.

“You keep looking at my Boobs,” She said.

“No I’m not, are you crazy woman, why would I be looking at your boobs?” I said shaking my head and giving her the ‘you’re a moron’ Look.

“Yes you are, see you’re doing it now! Is this shirt too low cut? Should I put on a cami? Is it tacky?” She asked honestly concerned about the vast ravine plunging down between her fleshy white (all but snow covered) mounds bursting out of her V-neck.

“Well Yeah, I’m looking now! You keep talking about them, how am I suppose to NOT look at your boobs when you keep pointing THEM out. Oh and by the way I was looking at you’re butterfly necklace before NOT you’re boobs!” I snapped envies over her ample Ta Ta’s.

“Okay whatev Michelle, but really is this shirt too low should I change it?” She asked again overly concerned about her blessings.

I admit this is not the first time I have been accused of boob ogling.
 o·gle /ˈoʊgəl/ [oh-guhl]
verb, o·gled, o·gling,
1. to look at amorously, flirtatiously, or impertinently.
2. to eye; look or stare at
 
My good friend Andrea asked me once during a conversation if her bra was showing. Guess I was ogling her boobies and she just thought she was flashing her under-roo’s at me, nope Andrea your friends just got some issues.  (Like you didn't already know that)
Another time I could swear my neighbor across the street accused me of looking at her boobs under her breath once…kind of passive aggressive like. I couldn’t be sure what she said exactly and at the time I thought I must of heard her wrong, but in my defense she does wear a lot of low cut tank tops. 

But I know one thing for sure I. AM. NOT. looking at their boobies darn it!! 

To tell you the truth all three of the above mention woman are very blessed in this area, so maybe…just maybe they get this all the time…you know the “hey fella my eyes are up here” kind of business. So it could be just their own insecurity’s or even their own ego thinking everyone is always talking to their chest…HA! That must be it... I’m not a perv! Phew…I'm a MAN...what...wait... Scratch that!!

OR….Maybe I do have boob envy…for shame.

Hi my name is Michelle, I’m a boob ogler….and I need help.

I kid; I really have know idea what I’m doing when I’m doing it. Its one of them subconscious things, ya know. I have problems with eye contact when I’m talking to someone, my eyes will drop from their face and apparently land on their chest when I’m thinking.
I can’t think about what someone is saying to me while I’m staring at their face…I just can’t…I’ve tried…don’t work. I think about what I see on their face…a patch of dry skin…clumpy mascara…moles…scares. It’s all part of my self diagnosed autism, when my gaze drops I don’t “see” boobies, I don’t “see” anything but inside my head, that’s what happens when you’re a visual person.
This is not a problem when I'm talking to a man, unless they have a gravy stain on their shirt then that's all I can think about. But with woman...I guess I’m seen as some kind of perverted lesbo, I don’t know, no wonder why my neighbor stopped talking to me…I hit on her too many times.

P.S.  If one day we are having a conversation and I seem to be looking at your boobies... just know that I'm not...I'm really listening to what your saying and trying not to ogle at the booger in your nose. 

P.S.S. What do you want to bet I'll get a ton of "Google hits" and "p*rn spam" from this post...pervs.


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"federal, state and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency."

>> Thursday, December 16, 2010

This has been an alert from the emergency broadcast system If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions

Where the hell is my official information, news or instructions, this emergency sure has gotten my attention, now if I could get some instructions please.

What happens when the unexpected flips my world upside down, well I’m not so blissful and my babble turns to grumbles. My husband had some serious medical issues and ended up in the hospital, after 12 days he is on the mend and hopefully will be home soon. In the mean time I have been on a crazy roller coaster of not knowing and waiting. I’ve had to “deck the halls” all by myself, take out the trash and be a single parent to 4 kids, while worrying about my husband. It’s taken a toll on my fragile sanity, my diet has jumped ship, my brain’s been overheated and in all the upheaval I went and bought a new puppy. Yes I have lost my mind.

My dear husband doesn’t know about the puppy yet, and he is going to kill me. My mom told me I’m crazy and to take her back “RIGHT NOW!” My BFF said I’d be crying on the phone to her about how I should of never of gotten the dog and how I’d want to toss her out the window. My dad said I’d be known as the nutty dog lady….Maybe…maybe not.


Miss Daisy-Mae Hope ( cavalier king charles spaniel and bichon frise mix)

She has made for a wonderful distraction from all the madness, the kids LOVE her. Just look at this face…she is sweet and cuddly and makes me happy. Plus her poop is so small it’s like little tootsie rolls.

Over the last few months I have been seeking God first in all things, learning to turn to Him in times like this, and as always He has been faithful. I am so grateful for my family and friends for helping pull me through this, however without God’s grace I don’t know what I’d do. I’d guess I would fall into a pit of despair, fear, and sorrow…I have seen the end of my rope, pushed to my limit, lost hope, fallen flat on my face and in all of the darkness have reached out in prayer. I’ve been given just a little more rope, a little higher limit, a small gleam of hope, and have been lifted off the floor (sometimes by the head of my hair but I’m still on my feet).

I read somewhere this week that “God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage”. No kidding! I pray that though this pain I will continue to find purpose, I have learned how much I am loved, needed, and blessed. I have found God trusts me to handle much more than I thought, I have gotten strength only God could give, and to top it all off…a new puppy!!


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