What the Puck did you just say?

>> Monday, May 23, 2011

My sweet daughter Maggie just told me I was, "Full of crap!"
No she did not learn this from me!  What kind of parent do you think I am! 

Wow judgemental much?

She learned the saying "full of crap" from one of her 3 big brothers I'm sure, who may or may not have over heard me telling their father that. 
Which certainly can't be entirely my fault because...
1) Their father is often full of crap!
2) Who could possibly keep track of four kids at all times?

HELLO I'm not Nanny McPhee!

Yes, I guess you could argue that as a parent I should watch my mouth at all times and that would be far easier.  But whats the fun in that?

I waited all these years to become an adult and do adult stuff like cuss only to have kids and have to watch my mouth again!
Forget that, after all the soap I ate as a kid I earned the right to cuss Damnit!

Come now I'm not that bad, I have toned it down a lot.  

When Maggie was 2 I thought she was really into toy ships because she talked about them a lot.

She'd drop her tipsy cup ..."Ship."
She'd break her color crayon..."Oh Ship!"
She'd stub her toe... "Ship! Ship! Ship!"

Well you might misunderstand her meaning and take if for something else so I don't say "Ship" anymore or anything that could be misunderstood as "ship"....see good mommy. 

And I sure in the hell don't ever say "Tuck" or "Fruck" or "duck"  cuz that would be just nucking futs!  

But we do have a dog named "Buck" So if you should over hear my daughter yelling something that rhymes with "puck"..she's just calling the dog....
and not repeating what she overheard her mommy say when her mommy saw the cost of gas last week. 
Maggie can still be a little hard to understand sometimes.  So your understanding and not your judgement would be greatly appreciated.

I do try really hard to raise good kids, so when my now darling little 3 year old tells me I'm "full of Crap" it makes me sad. 

Not because she said the word "crap"...
But because she's right about me being full of it!


It's always darkest before the dawn

>> Monday, May 2, 2011

Things are not always what they seem.

I awoke at 3am this morning to someone or something

BANGING on our house.


I had watched "Black Swan" before bed by myself...so my mind was in a bad way.


My head is spinning in the darkness

I jump out of bed...heart thumping

I'm so confused mind raising, do I pull pants on or go down stairs in my underwear?  do I put on a bra or just flop around?


I hear the front door open...there is no time for pants...

I flop down the dark hall

look down the stairs

and there stands two large dark figures

"what's going on...who is that!!"

one of the men starts up the stairs after me

I have no pants on I'm going to die in ugly underwear...I'm freaking out!!

the other yells something I can't hear over the blood rushing in my ears

I step back...trying to get a grip on whats about to happen...Oh God...Oh God!

Do I run and call the cops? Do I scream? God I wish I had a bra on!! 

I stand FROZEN.

A 5'8" 180lb man is running up at me and I understand...
I'm going to have to fight!  Oh my God Oh my God! 

I ball up my hands ready to push him back down the stairs to protect my sleeping children.

The man looks up and me and grins...through the darkness I can now see, its not a man but my 13 year old son.

I'll kill him later...My sweet son.

I swallow my heart and look down the stairs

the second figure is my husband and he's pissed yelling at the dog

I pull my underwear out of my crack and turn back to bed.

Seems our 3 year old locked the storm door on him.

When our mind is in a bad place it's hard to see what's really standing in the shadows.

We can...

1)Freak out

2)Freeze up

3)or Fight

Or maybe all three over time.

When we endure hardship we can get stuck in the Darkness.  The Darkness can suck us dry, leaving us hurting and confused.
Educating ourselves and getting support is the first step in seeing through the darkness into the light.
Then we must fight, to save our ourselves our children our loved ones.
God allows us to walk through fire to be shaken to our core.  Why?
I believe it's because something needs to be shaken, shifted, burned off. 
When our mind is in a bad place we can't see for the darkness.
Has God been shifting you, what bonds need burnt off?


Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the bugs my brain not eat.

>> Friday, February 18, 2011

Saying Prayers is part of the nightly routine at our house, though some nights I conveniently forget…like when Gray’s is on.

BUT Inevitably I hear, “Mawwwwwwwmah don’t forget prayers!,” called down from somewhere far far away.
Heavy with guilt pains I drag my sorry butt up the stairs (at the next commercial break) with the intention of doing an abridged version and make it back before you can say McDummy. Then again you and I both know that wont happen, by the time I get back McSteamy and Little Gray will have gotten back together and broke up again….Dang it!

I stand at the bunk bed with one kid on the top and 3 kids and a dog crammed on the bottom, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and start.

Me: Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you for this day and all our blessings, thank you for our health… Avery stop touching Sam’s nose! Sam get off your sister! Jesus please watch over us as we sleep…

Avery: (12) *fart nosies*

Sam:(5) and bless Wawa and Papa…and make Avery's farts stop stinking!

Maggie: (2) and may Wawa and Papa not get eat up by coyotes.

Me: What! Why would Maggie think her Grandparents are going to get eaten by coyotes…JONAH?

Jonah: (8) I didn’t tell her that…Sam did!

Sam: No I didn’t you did Jonah!

Avery: *fart nosies*


Jonah: Noooo I said that because Wawa and Papa’s cat got eaten by the coyotes that maybe their new puppy would get eaten by coyotes too…then SAM said maybe Wawa and Papa would get eaten by coyotes!

Me: Lord help me, and grant me patents.

Avery: *fart nosies*

Sam: Mama Pray I have a good day at school tomorrow and that I don’t hit Skyler….ummmm… and if I do hit Skyler that I not get another referral.

Me: and Wisdom Lord …Wisdom and strength.

Jonah: oh and mom Pray that bugs don’t crawl up my body and into my ear at night when I’m sleeping and lay eggs in my brain.


Maggie: Em en em

Sam: Its ahhhmen Maggie not M & M

Avery: *fart nosies*

Maggie: I want M&Ms!

I'm sure Gray's was lame anyway *sigh*


How much worse!!??

>> Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I stomp up the stairs and slam my bedroom door in a huff; I’ve had it and needed to find some peace before my kids find themselves locked in the crawl space under the house.
Breathe Michelle…breathe. I tell myself I’m over reacting, knowing this would get better.
It gets worse before it gets better they tell you…Its no ones fault they tell you…Just take care of yourself they say. But all I can think is… How the Hell do you take care of yourself when there are so many other people to take care of! And How much WORSE can it get!!??
Ok maybe I’m being dramatic…maybe throwing myself on the bed and turning the TV way up is not productive and a bit childish…Pity party for one!

I can’t go in to detail about what I’m dealing with, or not dealing with for that matter, lets just say it ran over me like a crazy train over a month ago. I’m on this crazy train and I can’t get off and at this point I have little of no control over this mess. And you know us woman don't do well when we lose all control.  I know I'm talking in code here and I'm sorry but trust me you don't want to know...sheesh I don't want to know.

So I sit on my unmade bed and think of running away, we all do that right, think of packing up and taking off, we’ve seen it done in the movies and I even know someone that did just that. But in the end it seems they live a life filled with guilt and regret in doing so. Huh?…that doesn’t sound all that bad…little guilt and regret is looking pretty dang good about now. I’d take the kids of course even though they are why I find myself bouncing my skull off my head board right now.

Don’t get my wrong…I’m not going anywhere…but its fun to dream right?
Anyway I hate packing.
For now I’ll do what I can to find comfort….eat pray sulk.


thank you for reading

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