How much worse!!??

>> Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I stomp up the stairs and slam my bedroom door in a huff; I’ve had it and needed to find some peace before my kids find themselves locked in the crawl space under the house.
Breathe Michelle…breathe. I tell myself I’m over reacting, knowing this would get better.
It gets worse before it gets better they tell you…Its no ones fault they tell you…Just take care of yourself they say. But all I can think is… How the Hell do you take care of yourself when there are so many other people to take care of! And How much WORSE can it get!!??
Ok maybe I’m being dramatic…maybe throwing myself on the bed and turning the TV way up is not productive and a bit childish…Pity party for one!

I can’t go in to detail about what I’m dealing with, or not dealing with for that matter, lets just say it ran over me like a crazy train over a month ago. I’m on this crazy train and I can’t get off and at this point I have little of no control over this mess. And you know us woman don't do well when we lose all control.  I know I'm talking in code here and I'm sorry but trust me you don't want to know...sheesh I don't want to know.

So I sit on my unmade bed and think of running away, we all do that right, think of packing up and taking off, we’ve seen it done in the movies and I even know someone that did just that. But in the end it seems they live a life filled with guilt and regret in doing so. Huh?…that doesn’t sound all that bad…little guilt and regret is looking pretty dang good about now. I’d take the kids of course even though they are why I find myself bouncing my skull off my head board right now.

Don’t get my wrong…I’m not going anywhere…but its fun to dream right?
Anyway I hate packing.
For now I’ll do what I can to find comfort….eat pray sulk.


Kat February 1, 2011 at 3:47 PM  

Oh man. I hate these days. I have them far too often lately. My temper has been lightening quick. Crazy. I started taking some vitamin D and that seemed to help my seasonal depression a bit and now I can control myself much better. However, it sounds like you are dealing with something much more trying.
I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Hang in there. Keep your head up. And all those other cliches. Sometimes they work. ;)

Have you tried ear plugs? They help sometimes too! ;)

Bethany@ImperfectMom February 1, 2011 at 4:32 PM  

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I had my own unwanted ride on the Crazy Train last fall, and it was terrible. I'll be praying for you!

BECKY February 1, 2011 at 5:06 PM  

Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with some crap right now. Will it sound weird or selfish in some strange way, if I say I loved your writing in this post? You ARE, obviously, a fantastic writer. I love the term "crazy train", too. I'm pretty sure most of us wives and/or moms can relate to that. I hope things will get better as soon as possible, and in whatever way is best for YOU! Take care of yourself. I've missed your posts, BTW.)

middle child February 1, 2011 at 6:08 PM  

Eat, Pray, Sulk. At least you have a plan, and a good one at that! You know everyone has those running away feelings. So you aren't alone. You do need to take care of you though or you won't be able to take care of anyone else. *hugs*

Marlene February 1, 2011 at 6:24 PM  

I feel your pain. This winter has been particularly harsh on my moods. Hugs.

Mamma has spoken February 2, 2011 at 3:09 AM  

Yes I have had MANY days like this. Doesn't help that I live close to an airport and wonder where everyone else is traveling, wishing that I could be on a plane, any plane and go there too. It will get better. Take some time for yourself because you can't be even a good mom when you don't.

Bossy Betty February 2, 2011 at 7:49 AM  

We've all been there. They serve snacks on the Crazy Train and they have no calories, so eat a lot of them and hang in there.

Laura February 2, 2011 at 2:24 PM  

Oh Michelle - sending only good thoughts your way. Hang in there!

Pearl February 3, 2011 at 5:52 PM  

Eat Pray Sulk.

:-) Not bad.

There are times we want to run away. What separates the ones who pull through triumphant and honorable are the ones who acknowledge that and stay anyway.

Whatever you're going through, keep on going, OK? You sound like a lovely person.


Andrea February 3, 2011 at 9:43 PM  

Hey friend...I know it does not feel like it, but HE is in control of this "train" you are on and none of the twist and turns that the enemy is throwing your way, take HIM by surprise. Psalms 121 says "I look up to the mountain-does my help come there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever" Love you much!

Toyin O. February 8, 2011 at 3:44 PM  

Praying for you, hope things get better soon:)

Anonymous,  February 9, 2011 at 1:14 PM  

Dude, my favorite fantasy when I feel like that...the coma diet. Yeah, I get into a car accident, not fatal and not disfiguring! Anyway, I'm in a coma for a few months. 'They' feed me a liquid diet, do ROM exercises for me so I turn all toned and then when I wake up thin in a few months, well if my problems aren't gone they at least don't seem as big a deal. :)

Remember, you're a strong, awesome person!


Rose February 13, 2011 at 9:02 AM  

when i feel that everything is getting to me, i have to vent, vent, and go outside of the homejust walking somewhere helps me to calm down and figure out what to do. hopefully whatever it is that's got you going will be less stressful. do something for yourself. praying for you rose

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